Caution: Content could be considered graphic and may disturb some people.
I am writing something today that I never expected to write, but here goes. I was once a die-hard pacifist. I was completely against war and violence, and I felt that we should be so much better as humans. Fast forward past a couple of decades of life experience, and I still believe we can be better humans by using every alternative to war, but I have also concluded that there are times when a fight cannot, and should not be avoided.
I am writing this as a Memorial Day tribute to all of the soldiers who have given their lives to protect the freedoms and choices that remain for us today.
If you are fortunate enough to know any soldiers, then you will understand most of what I say here already. The thing that I have realized is that few people really know a soldier. US Military bases are found in only a few states. People in most other states know what they know about soldiers from television, movies, and the news. Those portrayals range from grandiose to discriminatory, but it's as close as most people get.
I have lived in military communities, and I have loved ones and family members who have served. Here are some things that all Americans, and our world neighbors need to know and understand. No one hates war more than a soldier. A soldier understands the realities of war on a level those writing opinions and giving commentary never can, unless they were soldiers themselves. Going forward, I will use the pronoun "he" for convenience and simplicity, but there are female soldiers serving also, and they are included in this tribute.
I repeat, "No one hates war more than a soldier." However, American soldiers are brave and courageous, and they sometimes must go to war to defend this country and those who live in it.
Imagine going to work today with a friend that you have lived with and loved for years. You and this person have slept in the same room, ate together, fed, cheered, and supported each other, laughed together, "busted each others chops," taught each other, sweated, competed, protected each other, and had each others back time after time. You have a bond. Even if you go your separate ways for a while, when you see each other again, it's like you never left. There is a connection that neither of you have to discuss or explain. It's just there - that rare intimate knowing and understanding of another person. Place yourself in the happiest moment of joy you can imagine between the two of you, sharing laughter, maybe high fiving, maybe bumping shoulders and giving"bro"hugs, maybe giving honest, supportive real hugs...
Now imagine seeing that person shot or blown into pieces in front of you. In an instant, he is simply gone. Or, in an instant, his life has been shattered and he gasps for breath and tries to stop the blood flowing onto the ground taking his life with it , and you stare at him fully realizing that IF he lives, his life will never, ever be the same again.
Our soldiers live this.
You say it is his choice, and he did not have to be a soldier. The real irony is the truth in that statement. You are correct. He did not have to be a soldier. He did make that choice. In past years, that choice was a matter of choosing to follow the law or break it because of the draft. That puts an even more complex perspective on things, but for this blog, we will presume that the choice was freely made.
Look around the world today. The battles rage, and there are wars near and far. People are being killed, women and children are dying, families are being displaced, communities, cities, and countries are being destroyed. Refugees are flooding borders and fleeing for safety in unprecedented numbers, and even countries that have almost impeccable records on human rights and humanitarian efforts are finding themselves unable to support and provide for those in need. Their resources have been depleted to a level that risks endangering their country's stability. They are now being forced to make decisions that may compromise the lives and safety of their own citizens.
Is it sad? Yes. Is it horrifying? Yes. Is it fair? No. Is it reality? It is.
Our soldiers choose to SERVE our country and deal with the reality of harsh, difficult, horrifying decisions that must be made for the safety and security of our nation. I can promise you that none of them commit to serve because they want to be injured, maimed, or killed. I can assure you that once they have ever been deployed and seen the horror of war, they want more than anything to see peace.
Our soldiers deserve thanks because they CHOSE to give their time and energy to protect us. It would be a wonderful world if everyone would sit down over coffee or a drink and discuss their disagreements and compromise. That fantasy world does not exist. Can we work to communicate better? Can we try to educate and empower people to help improve the state of the world?
Of course, but we cannot afford to confuse what we wish, want, and hope with current reality.
The reality is that we are seeing hundreds of thousands of GROWN MEN, in addition to women and children fleeing torture, oppression, and murder in their home countries. Their oppressors and tormentors are typically religious zealots, or power-hungry, greedy dictators, often from the same country, or from neighboring countries and regions, intent on promoting and forcing a particular belief system into law. We have to ask why these grown men are running away. Why do they believe another country should take them in and support them if they are unwilling to defend what is theirs? When the same zealots, or others, come to attack the country that took them in, if they did not stand up for their own country, what likelihood is there that they will stand up to defend another? Where will they go then?
Do NOT presume that I am not empathetic to refugees. I am. Do NOT presume that I am against immigration. I'm not. It needs reform, but the original "Americans" were indigenous Indian tribes. The rest of us, our ancestors were immigrants or slaves.
No matter our personal feelings or opinions or involvement, these are facts. This is the world our soldiers face. The presumption that our soldiers run into countries and just blow up everything and bomb them is wrong. The truth is that they spend months and sometimes years communicating with local people, helping them build, educating them, and trying to find common grounds to help them negotiate treaties and compromise. They work to learn local languages and dialects and culture, and then do everything they can to stabilize the economy and political climate while respecting local customs.
Many of their efforts are focused around teaching locals how to defend themselves and their lands and communities.
If you want an example of how difficult the job can be, look no further than the recent national incident involving the soldier who faced prison and dishonorable discharge for beating up a child molester and rapist in one of the places he served. The man he "beat up" was a military official in the country where they were serving. He and his soldiers were helping fight terrorists, however, there are traditions in the region of men exerting their power and demonstrating their level of wealth and importance by sexual assault. The US soldiers had more than one conversation with this man, and expressed to him that his actions were unacceptable and would not be tolerated. The man did not listen, instead choosing to exert his power by going into local villages and taking young children, 8-13 years old. The US soldiers discovered that the commander had escalated to keeping groups of young boys confined in his quarters, where he repeatedly tortured and raped them daily. This US soldier risked his life and his career to do the right thing. He beat the creep up, and freed the kids.
Imagine yourself in that position. You are in another country that has its own laws and traditions, and you must respect them. It is part of the job that you accept as you work to help promote respect and change for the long-term protection of your family and your country. Every action you take, or do not take, could take on worldwide significance because of cultural sensitivities, political ramifications, or religious beliefs.
In another situation that I am aware of, the soldiers spent months in a remote village developing relationships with men there who helped fight against the Taliban. They worked with them side by side. They fought with them, located suicide bombers, and prevented deadly attacks on groups of innocent civilians and families. They met with the men of the village one day to discuss building a community medical center and other needed structures. The daughter of the tribal elder, who appeared to be around 13 years old, burst into the room, apparently quite excited by the conversation she was hearing through the partition, and exclaimed that they needed a school. The soldiers, unable to react out of respect for local laws, watched helplessly as the elder murdered his daughter on the spot because she dishonored the family by walking into the room without permission in front of men who were not family members. The soldier who told me that story had a daughter of his own.
Imagine that you have spent months in another country, far away from your family and dear friends. Every day you work side by side with local people to teach them how to build bridges and stronger buildings and protect their water supply. A few from your team work with the stronger members of the group to teach them how to fight back if they are attacked or invaded. You work with them to create alliances with neighboring villages and establish guard points to protect their homes. You help them establish security to protect their livestock and food supply.
Then, one afternoon, you hear disturbing noises on your radio. You gather a few others and rush to the checkpoint. None of your local friends are there. Neither are your colleagues. There is blood, scattered body parts, and a burnt hollow vehicle shell. Suicide bombers struck. Your work for today has changed in an instant. You work together silently, enraged, angered, and infuriated. You gather what remains of the people you joked with earlier today. The empty sadness that you feel as you work seems distant. You try to make your mind wander, and try to disengage because it is the only way to cope with the scene. You know that this sadness will not compare to the emotional turbulence that will come later when you arrive at the village to return pieces of friends and family members to the ones who loved them. You dread looking into their eyes as you deliver the news, or seeing the devastation when your fellow soldier explains that a son will not be coming home today or ever again.
You dread nightfall when you will be alone in a room with your thoughts and the realization that one of your buddies is gone. The tears will burn as you clench your eyes and steel yourself and try not to let them fall. You are a soldier, so you must stay strong.
This is less than a part of one day in one soldier's life. This is the emotional turbulence and devastation that they manage on our behalf.
Imagine being out on security patrol and coming face to face with someone who looks a lot like you. Same age, similar height and weight, and this person has suddenly jumped out to attack you. He lunges to stab you. He has a huge knife in hand, and clearly is intent on killing you, so you fight for your life. It is terrifying and exhausting, but finally the fight ends, and you breathe a sigh of relief that you are alive, and feel even more relieved as you determine that the wounds you received are relatively minor. No arteries or veins cut. You may need a few stitches, but you will be fine. You shake it off. Then, still in the haze and aftermath of an attack on your life, you try to figure out how to pick up the toddler prodding with confusion on the dead body of the person who is probably his father, without completely terrifying him.
This is the life of an American soldier. Many carry scars you will never see or know exist.
When I turn on music of my choice, I often think of a friend in college who was from Iran. This was years ago, but he explained to me how they could only listen to radio stations approved by the government. Soldiers patrolled in the town where he lived, and if they heard music coming from someone's house that was not approved by the government, they could be drug from their homes and arrested.
When I write about things that matter to me, read about controversial topics, or look at art work that challenges assumptions or raises awareness, I never forget that there is a writer in another part of the world being tortured right now because he dared to write the truth. I never forget that artists in some countries resort to hidden symbolic expression in hopes that someone somewhere will glimpse their heart's desire and passion. They would face prison if they created a work that challenged the government's ideals or reach.
I never forget that at this moment there is still an entire group of book sellers missing in another country. They simply vanished, and the only thing they had in common was that they published books that allowed some freedom of speech and thought that did not always line up with government policy. I never forget that a longtime defender of the rainforest and the locals in another country was recently found murdered. I never forget that there are countries where I would not know how to compose a sentence because girls are not allowed to get an education.
Make no mistake. I am quick to point out our country's shortcomings and things we need to change and improve, starting with our electoral processes that are devolving steadily and concentrating more and more power into just a few hands. However, as it stands, we are still free. We can choose the music we listen to and create, we can choose and create art that matters to us, we can write or voice our ideas and opinions even if they are stupid or insulting to large numbers of people. We can organize groups to protest, react, and create change. We can use political pressure, economic pressure, and publicity.
Our soldiers fought and died to protect these rights and privileges that we enjoy. The next time you start proclaiming your human right to free speech and expression, if you are wise, you will recognize that human rights are oppressed and overrun and infringed upon every hour of every day. Freedoms are stolen by human traffickers, human rights are violated by terrorists, lives are torn apart and destroyed daily by governments that were created when good people did not or could not stand up and fight bad people for whatever reason.
There are people in the world who have no interest in peace, cooperation, or social niceties. There are people who are delusional, mean, or both. There are stories in the news right now about Daesh's so called leaders selling slaves on line. Some of the stories from the refugees fleeing them explain the horrors they experienced at the hands of their fellow countrymen. Those who are truly evil are rarely logical or fair. The acts themselves are not new developments. They have happened in prior civilizations that rose and fell.
If everybody in the world was considerate, had manners, or wanted peace, sitting down and working out compromises would be no problem.
Unfortunately friends, that is not the case, despite most of us wishing it were. During this Memorial Day, please reflect - start with your childhood, and walk back through experiences in your life. Remember when you had to learn to share and play nicely? Remember that person who never cooperated with anybody? Remember that teacher or official who treated you unfairly? Remember that bully? Remember that person who discriminated against you or someone you know? Remember a time when you or someone you know had to stand up to be treated fairly?
Everybody does not THINK. Everybody does not play fair. Everybody is not logical or rational. Everybody is not willing to work it out, and some do not want to work it out. You can look at the state of our own government to see that.
This is life, and as the soldier I love says often,"It is what it is."
We can work to make things better as long as we keep our freedom. That is where our soldiers come in. They are the ones who step up to the bullies and say no. They are the ones who say. "You won't touch them unless you go through me." They try to avoid a fight at all costs, because they know the real cost. They are the ones who pay the price first.
They are the ones who, even knowing that you may spit on their flag and burn it, choose to lay their lives on the line to protect your freedom to do so. They understand that in many countries, you would be torn apart limb by limb right there in the street with the flag in your hand, as an example to the onlookers, to intimidate them, for daring to express your opinion. They choose to protect your right to disagree and dissent.
Our soldiers believe in freedom, and they understand its value. Let's make a conscious effort today to acknowledge the ones who literally gave all - those who gave their lives.
Let us recognize the sacrifice.
Though we sometimes forget to take the time to say it: This is the home of the free because of the brave!
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