Division, animosity, and anger is so widespread that few people are really listening anymore. This creates a dangerous environment. There is no way to have open discussion, healthy dialogue, or even civilized conversation if everyone is constantly playing offense or defense. People are constantly ready to attack or defend "their" position.
I am a passionate advocate of causes that matter to me, and I encourage the same in others, but if we cannot give each other basic mutual respect as human beings, there is no point in continuing any effort or charade toward bettering the world. We might as well blow ourselves up and be done with it. If we demand what we want because it's what we want with no real consideration for the impact to others, we are the oppressors.
There is too much insanity, emotion, and lack of logic. It is time for plain words and unvarnished truth. Political correctness is out of control. People are sick and tired of others telling them that everything about their values and belief systems are wrong. Political goals are invasive and intrusive. People are sick of governments stepping in to "protect" them from things that are highly unlikely to ever happen or matter, and charging them for doing so in the form of regulations, rules, fines, and taxes. People are tired of ridiculous laws set up to control and oppress others. People are fed up with government entities and powers funding special interests and corruption at the expense of the majority.
"Everybody" seems fed up, and "everybody" seems to agree "something" has to change, but the "something" varies according to individual beliefs. This is where civil discourse and common manners become important.
This post is about going back to the basics.
Everyone reading this was a child once. We are all humans with a body, a mind, and a spirit, soul, or life energy, however you personally choose to define that. Every one of us uses bones, blood, and breath .
Most of us, if not all, had mothers, parents, or caretakers who taught us basic human decency. They taught us to be respectful to others. They taught us to shut our mouths while grown ups spoke. They admonished us to listen to people who knew more than we did about a subject. They taught us to say please and thank you. They taught us to help our younger siblings or playmates if they fell. The special ones taught us that it was polite to open doors and hold them for others. The smart ones advised us that if there was nothing good to say about someone, it was generally better to say nothing.
None of this was about being cowardly or weak. It was not about condescension. It was about basic respect and common decency toward your fellow humans. They called these seemingly archaic behaviors "manners."
They taught us about inside voices and outside voices, and avoiding the use of bad words. They taught us to wait in line, insisted that we share our toys, and made us say "excuse me" and apologize if we bumped into someone. They taught us respect by showing us respect They made us apologize if we were mean. They made us sit in time out if we hit somebody,
Most of us were taught the "Golden Rule" of "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." It is a simple, powerful concept that encompasses the vastness of human potential for good and evil. Even if you prefer to dispute the actual premise of good versus evil, instead presuming life is a neutral playing field, the logic of the adage holds.
I get the current rage and frustration in the world. I understand why people are protesting, marching, yelling, fighting, and taking up arms. I think most of us do. We feel helpless and trapped. We feel backed into corners. However, this nonsensical attitude of someone being an enemy because they do not agree with all of someone else's personal beliefs is unacceptable. On both sides of the great social divide, extremist attitudes are spreading as they attempt to force people to choose their way or violence.
This needs to end. I have no desire to ever be famous. I cannot imagine a more horrible experience. I much prefer to work behind the scenes. However, when I look around at the state of the world and our nation, I realize that as a reasonably sane, decently educated, thinking person, I have a responsibility to speak up. I respect others, and I demonstrate that respect, but I feel no guilt and will not apologize for upholding my personal standards and beliefs, This post is simply to encourage others to do the same.
Speak up where you are, when you can. You do not have to pick fights or step into every mud- slinging match, but you are accountable. If you have the stability and common sense to avoid immediate judgement, and you have the ability to see that almost every issue has a positive and negative side, share your insight. Plant a seed of reason. It may or may not grow, but that is not your responsibility. Plant it, and you will have done your part.
Anger and hatred breeds more anger and hatred. Name calling and instigating fights and arguments is childish and irresponsible. This is true on the playground, and it is true in the public arena. It is true in social media as well.
I had a personal experience this week with an unexpected, probably knee-jerk response to one of my comments. It was odd because I supported the writer's position and was very impressed with his work, but I made a really poor choice of words in my post. His response was swift and personal. My immediate initial thought was to respond in kind with something along the lines of "up yours you pompous you know what." Thanks to my parents drilling courtesy and manners into my impressionable child mind, I was able to check my attitude, gather my senses, and "think" before I responded.
He responded to my answer swiftly, courteously, and impressively. He was right in what he said and he was right to correct me and call it to my attention. He was kind enough to realize that my intentions were good, and he was gracious enough to take back the impulsive personal assessment of my intelligence. His parents taught him manners too. So far, so good.
It was not over, however, over, One of his readers, or maybe just a Twitter bystander who happened across the post, jumped in to his defense before they saw my clarification and correction. I responded politely, but quickly, to explain my error and the update. The original writer stepped in again, politely addressed the whole incident, and noted that he considered it resolved and closed. It ended as quickly as it started, with no one any worse for the wear.
I am writing about it only to illustrate the importance of how we choose words and comments. My intentions were good, but my words were poorly chosen. They resulted in confusion and misunderstanding. That person responded with a comment that I felt was directed at me personally, but honestly could have been his feelings on the whole situation. It was a single interaction over the course of a few minutes of time. 35 people "liked" the hasty, pretty rude initial response he sent, and a few of them re-tweeted it with comments about my ignorance. I could not help but reflect how quickly something similar would have, and has, spread, when a celebrity, politician, world leader, or someone far more influential than I will ever be, is involved.
In that brief moment, there were at least forty negative interactions generated. I am most definitely not the snowflake type, and I am a total advocate of freedom of speech, whether I like the speech or not. However, as human beings, anyone who claims to be an advocate of positivity, progress, growth, or improvement needs to examine the words and information that they are sending into the world. We hold responsibility and accountability for them. Words are powerful.
Chaos, hatred, rudeness, division, and oppression create more of the same. Whether science or spirit is your leading belief system, I think we can agree that if you continue to add more and more of a volatile agent into a mixture, what you are working with is going to explode or change.
If we look at it from a human perspective, hopefully, most of us feel that the change is preferable to the explosion. Before we send a random thought out to hundreds, or in some cases, millions of strangers, let's examine it using what I am going to call the "Mama Principle." If you wouldn't say it in front of her, and if you would be upset or feel bad if she read it, you probably shouldn't say it. Of course that's overly simplistic, but most of us mind our manners in front of our parents, and that's the point. It's a matter of respect. If we expect Mama to see or hear what we did or said, we think twice before we speak or act.
For the rest of us with decent parents who tried to "raise us right,"whether they were perfect or not, here are some basic guidelines that we can use.
- Do not call people names. Just don't. You don't want to be called names, don't call someone else a name.
- Stop judging people. You don't really know everything in the mind and heart of the person closest to you, so you sure don't know everything about someone you don't know personally.
- If you feel it important to address or comment on someone, comment on their actions and behaviors. Avoid personal attacks.
- Examine facts - real facts from reliable, intelligent sources. There are no alternate facts. Alternate facts are lies.
- Choose to be kinder. It is not a weakness. It is a strength. It takes conscious decision and effort.
There is no magic formula to make social media a nicer more pleasant place. It is social. That means it is a direct reflection of us as social beings interacting. Currently, it would seem that we are what could be termed a "hot mess." We don't have to support or accept that.
We can be passionate about change. We can advocate for causes that matter. We can demand accountability. We can also still be civilized people and act like we have some "home training."
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